omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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