why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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