But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
