physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
