idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
