i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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