he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
