I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
