a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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