I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
