yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
