Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
