I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
