I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
