Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Actions speak louder than pants.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
