i just had sex bonerless
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
