while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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