btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
