Your face is a jimmy john
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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