He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
do nipples grow back?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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