so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
