I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
