Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
