Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
