the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
