I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
