New low: just hacked my moms facebook
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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