I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
