I'm drive I can fine osifer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
