He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
