she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
