she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
