this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
