sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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