Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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