i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
