She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
