I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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