So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
