She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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