My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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