She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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