worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
