I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
