Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
