WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
