Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
