guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
