Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
