I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
