I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
