Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
