just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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